Make Me Whole
by HilsK
Summary: Buffy is forced to think about her feelings for Spike when she risks losing him forever.


Untitled Document

Title: Make Me Whole

Author: Hilary

Rating: PG

Summery: Buffy is forced to think about what Spike means to her when she faces losing him forever.

Spoilers: Post Into the Woods but takes place before Crush

Feedback: Wanted as always

Author's notes: As always I am indebted to my beta reader Richess who helped me out A LOT with this one. Cheers luv.

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Buffy was going to die. She'd imagine this hundreds of times, wondering how it was going to be when her time came. She'd always figured it was going to happen saving the world, not like this, not at the hands of some regular demon. A regular demon that at this moment had a tight grip on her throat and was slowly choking the life out of her. _It wasn't supposed to end like this_ she thought to herself as her vision began to dim.

Suddenly, however, she found herself on the floor, the grip on her throat released. As she took deep gulps of the cool, refreshing air she looked up to see what had become of the demon. It had it's back to her and appeared to be fending off an attack from another person, although she couldn't see who it was was. She was just grateful that whoever it was had bought her some time.

Climbing to her feet she launched herself at the demon, gripping it's head in her hands she gave one hard twist, snapping it's neck. As the body fell to the floor she looked up to see who it was that had helped her.

"Looks like you needed my help again Slayer." Spike grinned.

Buffy rolled her eyes, out of all the people she had to be grateful to, why did it have to be Spike?

"I was managing just fine." She lied.

"Uh-huh. It appeared to me that scaly here." He nudged the demons body with his foot. "Was a short step away from calling the new Slayer. Face it Slayer, you've been off your game ever since Captain Cardboard ran out on you. Not that I blame him mind you, seems your reluctance to ask for help didn't just apply to me"

She punched him hard in the face, sending his head snapping back. He came up, still grinning.

"Face it luv, you haven't exactly got a top record now have you. Let's look. Angel, you sent him to hell and then drove him to LA. Then there was Scott, yeah your kid sister told me about that one. Didn't last long did it? Of course, I saw the marvellous thing with Parker for myself, he clearly didn't think you were worth a second go. That leaves us with your latest conquest. I must say I'm impressed. It takes a lot of stamina to get through so many blokes like that."

Buffy tried not to flinch as the truth of his words hit her.

"You don't know anything about me." She said quietly. But Spike wasn't listening.

"Bloody hell!" He exclaimed fingering a large gash across his stomach.

"You're hurt?" Buffy asked. "Pretend I care."

"I don't give a toss about that." He replied angrily. "The bugger ruined my T-shirt."

Buffy gasped. "Oh no, quick, somebody call the police."

"Sod off." Spike grumbled as Buffy grinned at him. "You know what, I'm getting tired of this little game."

"What game?" Buffy asked, genuinely confused.

"I'm sick and tired of getting nothing but abuse from you every time I help you out. It wouldn't kill you to show a little gratitude now and again...unfortunatley."

Buffy smiled sweetly. "There's a simple cure for that. You could always just leave."

Spike scowled. "Maybe I will."

"Yeah, leave or drop dead permanently. Either is fine with me."

Spike rolled his eyes and smirked. That had to be one of the lamest comebacks ever. Shaking his his head he turned around and headed back towards his crypt. He got about ten feet across the cemetery when he stopped, something didn't feel right. Shaking his head he was about to carry on walking when his head was filled with the sensation the the world was spinning. He reached out and grabbed a headstone to steady himself.

Buffy scowled, now he was trying to get her pity.

"Save it Spike. Pull that crap with someone who cares."

He didn't respond, and she noticed that he was panting heavily. Maybe something was really wrong. She was so going to stake him if he was kidding about. She walked over and placed a hand on his arm.

"Spike?"

He let go of the headstone and turned around to face her.

"Stop making a fuss." He protested, his voice weak and slightly slurred. "I'm fine...I..." He put his hand to his forehead.

"Bloody hell." He whispered, and slumped into her arms.

"Spike!" Buffy cried as she caught him. Reaching up her hand, she laid it on his forehead. She gasped and quickly pulled back. He was burning hot.

"Come on." She said gently. "Let's take you to Giles'"

Spike made a small moan of protest but somehow managed to summon the strength to drag his feet in the direction Buffy was taking him.

******

"Good lord, what happened?" Exclaimed Giles when he opened his door to find Buffy supporting a barely conscious Spike on his doorstep.

"I don't know." She replied as she guided Spike over to the couch and laid him down. "We fought this demon and then we argued, nothing unusual. He seemed fine, but then he just collapsed. He seems to have a fever or something."

Giles furrowed his brow. It wasn't likely to be a fever, vampires were immune to illnesses. There had to be something else causing this.

"Buffy, was Spike injured at all during the fight?"

_"The bugger ruined my T-shirt."_

"His shirt got ripped." She replied. "But I'm not sure if he got hurt or not."

Giles knelt down beside Spike who was curled up in a foetal position, his duster pulled tightly round himself. Giles tried to move Spike's hands away so that he could examine him, but the vampire merely whimpered and pulled his coat closer. Three failed attempts later and Giles was growing exasperated. He thought about using force, but with Spike's weakened state there was no telling what effects that would have.

"Let me try." Said Buffy, seeing that Giles was getting nowhere. He stepped back and Buffy took his place at Spike's side. She began to stroke his cheek, trying to ignore the fact that his skin was burning and he was shivering violently.

"Spike." She said gently. "I need to take your coat off so I can see if you're hurt."

"I'm c-cold." He whispered through chattering teeth.

"I know." Buffy replied, continuing to brush her hand over his cheek.. "But I need to have a look before we can make it better."

Giles peered over her shoulder and watched with amazement as Spike released the hold on his coat. He was amazed not only that Spike has listened to her, but also at how gentle she was being with him. He'd only ever seen hatred and annoyance between the two of them, but there was no trace of that now.

Buffy parted Spike's coat and gently lifted his T-shirt, trying to blot out his whimpers. She gasped at what she saw. Three parallel gashes ran across his stomach, the cuts themselves black and the flesh around them red and swollen. Lowering his T-shirt Buffy looked back at Giles while Spike immediately pulled his coat back around himself.

"It appears to be some kind of poison." Giles observed. "We'll need to determine what kind of demon it was before we can take any further action. Spike should be alright in the meantime, we'll just have to make him as comfortable as possible. I have some blankets and pillows upstairs, I think it's best if we don't move him too much."

Buffy nodded and watched as Giles went upstairs. Glancing back at the couch she saw that Spike was twisting around uncomfortably, a sheen of sweat building on his face. She walked into the kitchen, wetted a cloth with cold water and knelt back at Spike's side. She gently wiped his face with the cloth, allowing the water to cool him. As she watched his features relax a little she suddenly became aware of what she was doing, she was helping Spike, and what's more, it was because she was worried about him. It was hard to believe that a short while ago they had been arguing, now she wished they still were, anything was better than seeing him like this.

She was brought back from her thoughts by Giles, who had arrived with the blankets and pillows. Once they had made Spike as comfortable as they could they began to research. Buffy gave Giles a detailed description of the demon and together they hit the books.

Three fruitless hours later and Giles gave a triumphant cry. 

"Ah-ha! Here we are, an Anick Demon."

He passed Buffy the book so that she could look at the picture. That was it alright. Taking the book back, Giles read aloud

"Known for their high dexterity and resilience, the Anick Demon is also aided by a strong venom contained in it's claws. This renders it's prey near helpless, making it a formidable opponent."

Giles closed the book.

"That's it?" Buffy asked.

"I'm afraid so."

"But...how do we cure it?" Buffy tried to keep her voice steady, but didn't succeed very well.

"For now we'll just have to keep reading. One of the books is bound to have details of a cure. In the meantime, we should get some blood for Spike. We need to try and keep his strength up."

"I'll go." Buffy replied. "You keep reading, the sooner we cure him, the sooner he'll be out of our hair."

_That's right Buffy, pretend you don't care. It's not like you were being obvious before or anything._

Wishing she could tell the voice in her head to shut up, Buffy left Giles in full research mode and headed for the butcher's.

******

As she walked Buffy tried not to think of what might lie ahead. If they didn't find a cure, Spike would die, and this time he wouldn't be coming back. What made things worse was the fact that he had got into this state because of her, and she hadn't even thanked him.

She continued to walk and found herself what life in Sunnydale would be like without Spike. Her immediate instinct was to say that it would be a lot less annoying. But the more she thought about it, the more she realised that she'd actually kind of miss him. She could certainly live without all his bitchy comments and sarcasm, but she couldn't escape the fact that he'd helped her and the gang out plenty of times in the past. He'd always made out that he was doing it in order to get something in return, but recently he seemed to be helping out more and asking for less.

Finding herself at the butcher's Buffy made her purchase and quickly headed back to Giles'. When she arrived she found that nothing had changed. Giles was still reading and Spike was still lying on the couch. 

"Anything?" She asked hopefully.

Giles shook his head. "I'm going to have to go to the shop and get some of my other books. Will you be alright watching Spike for a while?"

Buffy nodded.

"Alright, he seems to be quite restless. Give him some blood and try to stop him from moving too much, I don't want to aggravate the poison any further."

Buffy nodded again and Giles left. Walking into the kitchen, she heated some of the blood and took it through to Spike. Kneeling at his side she saw that his face was twisted in pain and he was covered in sweat. 

"Spike." She called softly. "I've got some blood for you."

When there was no response she gently lifted his head with one hand, and held the mug to his lips with the other. After a moment instinct took over and he began to drink. When he'd finished she took the mug back into the kitchen and wetted the cloth she's used before. Taking it back through she gently dabbed his face. After a few minutes his eyes opened and he looked up at her.

"Buffy?"

"Shh." She hushed softly, continuing to cool his face with the cloth. "Just lie still Spike, you need to save your strength."

He took hold of her hand and squeezed it gently.

"Listen Spike. I'm sorry about what I said before, I'm glad that you were there to help me tonight. I didn't mean it when I said I wanted you to leave or...well anyway, don't let it go to your head but I'd miss you. No one is as honest with me as you are, I need that. I know I don't always like it but it's good to know I'll get it when I need it. That's why you have to get better."

"I'm sorry too." Said Spike weakly before bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it. Buffy's mind was telling her to pull away but she didn't.

"Love you." He murmured before releasing her hand and drifting back to sleep. 

Buffy sat there in stunned silence. There was no way she could have heard what she thought she had just heard. Spike couldn't possibly be in love with her, he had no soul. On the other hand it would explain why he'd been so keen to help her out lately. This was not good.

With a groan she stood up and began to pace the room. What was she supposed to do? Maybe he didn't love her, maybe he was just delirious. That was it, the fever must have made him crazy.

_Come on, he's been acting different for weeks now. Don't pretend you haven't noticed._

Ok, so what if he did love her. It didn't change anything. He was still an evil killer, and even if she didn't want him to die, there was no way she could love him.

_Maybe you already do. Have you ever wondered why you've never dusted him? You think it's because he's helpless but maybe it goes deeper than that. _

Buffy was on the verge of having an argument with herself when Giles arrived back from the shop.

"Buffy, I've researched all I can on the Anick demons. There's no cure for the poison."

Buffy's eyes widened and she put her hand to her mouth. She glanced down at Spike who was still sleeping, blissfully unaware that his fate had just been sealed. She knelt down beside him and took his hand.

Before she even realised it there were tears pouring down her face. Finally she buried her face in his chest and began to sob uncontrollably.

Giles stared at her in disbelief. What on earth was wrong with her?

"Buffy? What is it?"

She lifted her head and looked up at him, her lip quivering.

"Spike's going to die and it's my fault."

Giles frowned in confusion.

"Spike's going to what?" Then he realised and smiled. "Buffy, Spike's not going to die. When I said there was no cure, it's because the effects of the poison are only temporary. He'll be back to his same old self in the morning."

Buffy suddenly felt incredibly stupid as she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up.

"Right, good. Well, if the panic is over I guess I should go home."

"Yes, there's no need for you to stay now. Go home and get some rest."

Buffy put her coat on and got halfway to the door before she stopped and turned back.

"Giles, maybe I should stay. You know, just in case."

Giles smiled. It was perfectly clear what was happening here.

"You're welcome to stay if you like. I'll be going to bed shortly and it might be wise if someone was here to keep an eye on Spike. Just in case, as you say."

Before Giles had even finished uttering the sentence Buffy had taken off her coat and resumed her place at Spike's side. Giles sighed, made himself a cup of tea and went to bed. Buffy continued to watch Spike sleep until she drifted off herself.

******

The first thing Spike became aware of when he woke was that he wasn't in his crypt. The second thing he was aware of was that he wasn't alone. Looking down he saw the top of a blonde head resting on the edge of the couch. Buffy. Unable to stop himself he gently began to stroke her hair, just enjoying having her close. After a few minutes she began to stir and he pulled his hand away. 

Buffy opened her eyes and looked up to see Spike gazing down at her. She sat up and smiled.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

"OK, I guess. What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

Spike sighed and then grinned. "If I did I wouldn't be asking would I?"

Buffy quickly told him what happened the night before, leaving out some minor details like the fact that she broke down and cried when she thought he was going to die.

Spike sat up.

"Well, no harm done. I guess I should be heading home before the sun comes up."

"Are you sure you're OK?" Asked Buffy, worried that he was moving too soon.

Spike arched an eyebrow, half in surprise and half in amusement.

"This is a refreshing change Slayer, if I didn't know better I'd say you were worried about me."

"Oh, please." Buffy scoffed. "Don't flatter yourself. Besides, you're the one who said you loved me."

As soon as the words left her mouth Buffy instantly regretted them. Spike looked stunned.

"I what?"

"You said you loved me." Buffy muttered quietly, wishing the ground would open up and swallow her.

Spike forced a laugh, this was not good. "And you believed me? Bloody hell Slayer, I was out of it last night, talking rubbish. I can't believe you actually..."

Buffy silenced him with a kiss. Spike froze for a moment before responding hungrily. He'd been dreaming of this moment for weeks and wasn't going to miss a moment.

Giles walked down the stairs at the point, saw the couple kissing and turned around and went straight back up. Suddenly a few extra hours in bed seemed like a good idea.

The End


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